There is something liberating with words. The ability to channel thoughts, ideals and reflections in a permanent manner. Uninterrupted. Hopefully concise. And rather liberating/entrapping when through digital technology because there is that freedom/constraints with editing. Not to mention the decision of audience as well.

There were often regrets upon realization that full deletion erased thoughts that might be useful in the future. But more so, the pseudo-freedom feeling of starting anew.

Filled with what seems to be never ending thoughts and intense contemplations, it is often easier to write than converse, for the latter requires much more effort.

But enough of this babble..

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I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.                            ~Galatians 2:20

Pastor Namkung of New Hope Presbyterian Church delivered a message with this sole verse on 4/11/2010. By fortune, I was able to attend their service, for BCCC had their baptismal service that weekend as well. I always did cherish the opportunities I have to worship with my brothers and sisters in different walls.

Pastor Namkung asked the congregation if we knew what the meaning of laying down our lives mean? Many people feel that in order to lay ourselves before Christ, we must first attain. Whether it is fame, money or prestige, we must have it in order to give it up. It goes in line with my contemplation of why people must always achieve a career and then "sacrifice" it for full time ministry, but that in itself, is another tangent thought.

Quite comically, Pastor Sunny spoke upon the similar topic as well, stating that for Christians, we must have two deaths but one life. Death to our earthly selves, and death with Christ, so that we attain life eternal.

To add to this, I had previously just met with a former professor of mine from my nursing classes. She clearly stated her strong belief in Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and how that makes complete and "perfect" sense of humanity. But then what about the spiritual aspect of our beings? Are we no different than other living orangisms then?

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.                             ~Galatians 6:8




To nail down our ego and self-will on the cross with Christ each day, so that we can attain life as children of Christ. What does this mean, what does it entail?

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There are many things that touch my heart. Death is one of them. Especially suicide. Not that, thankfully to God, anyone I know perished from it. But rather, it is a poisonous thought that infects our soul whether we admit it or not.

Those who have completed it will never know how hard it was. Many people often think that in order to finish it all takes much strength and determination. I think the latter. Those who succumb to evil, aren't that bad afterall, for it takes ever so much more to resist and to keep resisting.


To keep fighting on the good fight. To not give up.




I believe that that is the reason why I am still breathing today. And why my breaths never stopped... Regardless.

Insomnia.. is back..